The Act of Helping

In Asking for help, and receiving help, there are principles to it all.

As a parent, my job is to raise responsible kids, so I thought!

I told Thing 3 to go lay his bed. Mom I can’t, I need someone to help me. Still, go get started, your helper is there to cover your areas of struggle I responded! Not doing anything is not useful. Off he goes to go grab Thing 2, who has always been a good partner and very helpful in bed laying. Soon, I heard yelling. Thing 2 was frustrated, Thing 3 had left Thing 2 to do all the work. From my room, I said to them both, do not try to be the main player in someone else business. That statement sent me on a journey of deep thought.

Nothing is as stressful as helping someone who doesn’t want to be helped. No one is as unhappy as someone who is giving their best in a partnership while the other gives half of their good. It doesn’t go well, it doesn’t end well. A person who has not tried to help themselves has probably not helped someone else. A person who hasn’t tried to give what you are gifting them in service would never appreciate your efforts. A person who hasn’t struggled in the area where you offered to help doesn’t understand the cost of your help. A person who hasn’t struggled in the area where you are trying to help, would not appreciate your sacrifice. You can only appreciate what you understand. You can only understand, what you have questioned. You can only question what interests you.

Humans are not God and humans are not designed to be God in other humans' life. It is okay to let your loved ones struggle, it is okay to let others figure it out. In that struggle, they build capacity. In that struggle, they gain wisdom to overcome life challenges. In that struggle, they build faith in their ability and in their God. In that struggle, they for their narratives and story to share with others. Struggles build maturity. What is not okay is trying to help someone who doesn’t fully understand the situation. Because they do not understand it, they blame you when the outcome of your help is unfavorable. Because they did not personally request your help, they have a sense of entitlement and never fully appreciate your help. I am not here to tell you to be merciless or lose your passion to help. Moreover, if you have noticed some dissatisfaction after helping others, maybe it is time to reevaluate how and when you help. Playing the midfielder and the goalkeeper in someone else game is stressful, it is time to soft pedal.

Helping someone is a team sport. Success is a team sport. It is a partnership. When you help, you are playing the supporting role. Stress comes when you switch this as a helper! At some point, you have to stop throwing the ball. You can only play assist. You can't help someone who is unwilling to receive your help. (Simon Sinek (Amplified me))

Jesus, Jesus, have mercy on me! Bartimaeus shouted! Jesus looked into this obviously blind man and asked, what can I do for you? You would think Jesus the wisest should know this man is blind. You would expect Jesus to know that he needs some help with his sight. Yet Jesus asked, what can I do for you?

Principles for Requesting and Receiving Help

This very question highlights three important aspects of requesting and giving help to others. First, Jesus asked Bartimaeus to be sure of the help he really wants Jesus to provide. We, humans, can be myopic sometimes. Let me quickly remind you about the story of the man at the pool of Bethesda, who complained of having no man when he actually needed health (see John 5). Jesus wanted Bartimaues to be sure of his request.

Second, Jesus wanted to understand how he thinks of his struggle. A struggle you understand and overcome makes you empathic. Third, Jesus wanted to assess Bartimaeus' areas of his faith. A miracle is released when your faith hit the area of your need. Faith has to be targeted. You can be in a healing service and only receive promotion because you believed God for promotion though with some health issues. If you are in need of healing, you need faith for health. If you need provision, you have to believe in divine provision. You are right to believe in the principle of diligence and hard work, but many successes we see in life include some unexplainable aspects. Talent is not everything, so said John Maxwell.

Help, you requested! Timely Help you received because you were disciplined enough, to be committed enough, to understand enough, what you actually need others to do for you!

Help you shall request, help you shall receive because you are playing the main role in your own play.

Here are some things to put in place before you request help:

• Don’t ask for help until you understand what you need. Figuring it out makes you specific in your request and helps your helper provide targeted help for a favorable outcome.

• Don’t ask until you have struggled. Get your hands dirty, get your thoughts straight, and pitch your weight behind your dream.

• Before you ask someone to fund your venture or ideas, be sure you have your own skin in the game. Don’t be asking others for a 100% where you have put nothing.

• Before you ask humans, ask God. Help us oh Lord for vain is the help of man.

No man can carry their weight in their hands. When a human says take, you know the size already. Anything a man gives is smaller than their size. Only God gives extraordinary help.